The Value of Vision

Every performance requires a certain level of preparation. I'm sure that most everyone that has sung at one point or another has had an experience where they had to sing something on the spot and completely fell on their face. It's the dreaded public fail and it's in the back of every singers mind when they perform. With more preparation typically comes more confidence and thus more success in performance. Confidence tends to be the lynch pin in a successful singing performance.

The hardest thing I have encountered as a singer and a teacher is the mental aspect of confidence. Our natural fight or flight instincts don't help either. Everyone knows what being nervous feels like. We get butterflies in our stomach, we feel sick, we sweat, we cry, we fidget and fixate and try everything we can think of to try to make it stop. Sometimes we even give up before we try. When our bodies make us that uncomfortable it's no wonder we let our minds go with it. We start to doubt whether we practiced enough, if we are really any good at all. We imagine every possible negative outcome.

I was working with a student before an audition yesterday and everything she was saying to me came down to "I know I'm going to fail". It didn't matter what I said or how I said it. This girl was determined not to succeed.

For a long time I battled this probably more than some singers do when they're first starting out. I wanted so badly to be amazing, but I held myself back believing somewhere deep down that if I never actually put my best out there I could never truly be told that my best wasn't good enough. For as far as I've come from that first day I stepped foot in my first college voice teacher's studio, I still catch myself in this mental trap.

It was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done to allow myself to be so vulnerable as to put my best out there with the belief that my best was good enough. I think what makes it so difficult for singers and for teachers is that diagnosing this problem requires a singer to be deeply honest with themselves.

What makes this even more difficult is that it's not just limited to any given performance. It permeates every part of your singing. It's the willingness to try something out of your comfort zone. Its allowing yourself to be better than you believe you can be.

I was working with a student today and every time I work with her I can't help but picture what her ultimate success could look like. She just drips with talent and passion. I try to find this in all of my students as much as I can. This girl makes it easy. The classical radio station has a program on the weekends that features young musicians of exceptional talent. I have heard young girls sing on this program that I could not believe were only in high school. I can see this student being like that. She has the potential to be larger than life and the humility to make her irresistible. But she doesn't believe it. She doesn't picture herself the way I do.

I know that for me, developing this vision for myself took time and influence from many different mentors. It probably helped to have a few of them tell me to throw in the towel because it just wasn't going to work for me. I like a challenge. I can completely understand their frustration now. As a teacher I can only hope that my diligence and vision for my students is contagious enough that eventually they see and in themselves what I see and believe that they are not only capable but deserving of the level of performance that they could reach.

Fighting the Good Fight

One of my teaching philosophies is that teachers do more than educate about their subject. As a voice teacher I find that I do more than just teach my students to sing. I teach them responsibility, I coach them on how to meet their life goals, I listen to them when they are having troubles in school or in their social lives. I ask them about their families and their interests.

One of the lessons I find myself teaching over and over again is one about self value and expression and how it relates to those around them. Being a teenager doesn't make this easy to figure out. Even at 28 years old I continue to work on my own confidence and how I treat my competition.

It's not any surprise that high school age girls would find it challenging to feel confident among their peers. Their culture is steeped in competitive energy. With tv shows like the voice, x-factor, and american idol, they're constantly watching people their age take a very public verbal beating for being less than stellar.

Singing competitions are a blessing and a curse in this regard. It's a great tool for a teacher to push their students towards and end goal. It's also great to get feedback from fellow voice teachers about how your students are doing. However, sometimes it brings out the claws. Unlike sports where competitive energy and adrenaline can be channeled into physical activity, singing is an individual sport with a somewhat subjective criteria for judging. What ends up happening is that you get girls that smile and chat with each other in person and plot each others demise behind closed doors. It's no wonder that they're afraid to sing in front of each other!

I remember my choir director telling us that personal success doesn't have to be at the expense of anyone else. I have found that girls don't always have anyone point this out to them. Confidence isn't the product of dominance, it's the product of hard work. The harder you work, the more you have to be proud of. If our society didn't put so much emphasis on "winning" this might actually be the case more of the time.

There's a lightbulb joke that goes:
Q: How many sopranos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One to do it, ten to say they could have done it better.

One of the things that I have learned and continue to learn is that my competition are also my colleagues and sportsmanship isn't just about shaping a good character. If I was to behave in a passive aggressive manner to every girl that got a solo when I didn't there wouldn't be many girls left for me to sing with. Being a diva does not get you very far in this business (or any other business either) in spite of what you might hear about opera singers.

It's my hope that when my students leave my voice studio they leave having come closer learning this lesson not just because they'll be better singers but because they'll be better people.

Committment?

When I was in college and someone showed up late to choir rehearsal, my director would stop rehearsal and address the late attendant in a less than flattering fashion. In other words, unless you wanted to withstand public ridicule, you were on time to choir. I am fortunate to sing with this same director these next couple of weeks for a concert with Resonance Ensemble. And I have to wonder, this lesson that I learned from him in my college days, is it a lesson my students need to learn now? Or another day?

http://resonancechoral.org/home.cfm

*shameless plug* 

I have sung in countless choir concerts some I was very proud of and some not so much. This concert is one that I will remember as a highlight in my choral singing career. The music is absolutely breathtaking and it's very satisfying if you like music with an abnormal tonal center! In other words, you should so come to this concert!

*shameless plug again*

The spring recital is at Classic Pianos on Powell Blvd on Sunday the 27th at 3pm 

*end of shameless plugs*

Anyway, I'm in the midst of very time consuming and meticulously orchestrated (accompanists/childcare/practicing/driving/meals/sleep?) rehearsals for both of these concerts. And I couldn't help but be rather upset by the number of students that cancelled their involvement days beforehand due to their parents suddenly deciding they had familial obligations. 

Now normally I'm not upset if a student can't participate in something I'm putting together for them if they let me know when I'm in the process of planning. And normally I would say your family takes priority - Lord knows my family has to trump my students sometimes. But I asked them and their families weeks ago if they were available for the recital date and I got a clean bill of no conflicts so I went ahead and booked the holiday weekend. 

I love my students. I go to great lengths to teach them every skill and tool I can to help them be as successful as they want to be with their singing. I think it's this passion that gets me so upset when their parents don't quite share my zeal for their talent. I try to be understanding of the fact that my students are teenagers and many of them are very busy and carry the burden of keeping their grades up and their social lives full. So at what point do I start to lose my patience? 

Perhaps I don't have the option of losing my patience. Part of being a good teacher is being supportive when your students (or their parents) don't deserve it. However, another part of being a teacher is preparing your students for the real world. And in the real world, my director would never hire me again if I ditched out on my concert days beforehand because my family was going on a trip or because I booked a doctors appointment for my daughter at the same time. 

Perhaps this is a lesson for my students, and their parents, to learn from another teacher another day.

For the five students that have been responsible for their commitments I am proud of their taking the opportunity to continue to improve their singing and performance skills. Even just the act of being there is the sign of a character trait that will serve them well not just in singing, but in every facet of their life. 

For any parents that read this, I hope you gain an appreciation for how much I want your kids to succeed, and perhaps in the future you might throw more support their way and bring the whole family reunion to their recital ; ) 

Maintaining a Professional Reputation

Maintaining a professional persona is important when you're a musician. Being known as responsible, reliable, punctual, and detail oriented is as much about your music as it is about your behavior in general. When it comes to being a music teacher, this can be easier said than done. As a voice instructor I know what a good reputation can do for me. In a smaller city like Portland, your network is invaluable when it comes to booking jobs, finding accompanists, or landing auditions. I haven't worked a single singing gig where I didn't know at least two or three other people involved already. This is a lesson I've learned over time, sometimes the hard way. Your professional reputation is everything when it comes to your music career.

Young students do not always understand this. Actually, I'm willing to bet that more don't than do. And it's not just their professionalism that they represent, it's yours too when you're their teacher.

Recently I had my students sing for a master class. I spent hours making phone call after phone call trying to find an accompanist to play for them. After many degrees of referrals I finally found someone who was available but who did not have their own transportation and was still kind of green at the accompaniment thing. I figured beggars can't be choosers and I went out of my way to pick her up and drive her to and from the master class.

I was so excited to have my students sing for my own voice teacher and this was a valuable opportunity for them to work with her and to perform their music before their solo festival. Sadly, two of my four students cancelled the day of, I didn't have arrangements for childcare so my 7-month-old was in tow, the room that I had put in a written and approved request for was taken over by another group of people, I had forgot to tell my students to invite an audience so there was nobody there to watch, and one of the students that performed in the class not only had to leave right after she sang, but still has yet to pay both the teacher and the accompanist. I finally cut checks on her behalf much to the annoyance of the accompanist that waited over a month after the class to receive her payment.

This leads me to ponder my professional reputation. I know my own voice teacher understands that teaching young and not always responsible students in space that doesn't belong to me poses its challenges. But not everyone is always as understanding. This last weekend I've called over 10 people trying to find someone who is available to play for one of my students the end of April. I finally found someone, but I found myself avoiding not only the begrudged accompanist I'd used, but also the lady that referred her to me. I would not be surprised if I find it difficult to work with people in her network in the future.

Just as my voice teacher's students are known for being prepared and professional, I hope that my students represent me the same way. But I find myself in a "monkey see, monkey do" conundrum. My voice teacher exudes professionalism in a way that I can't even begin to touch myself. Over time I've made peace with my personality and the candor that I cannot squelch as much as I'd like to avoid putting my foot in my mouth from time to time. I see the openness of my relationship with my students as an asset rather than a setback. Despite my bottom line, which is to produce quality dependable musicians, I've found that sometimes I'm the only adult my students feel comfortable confiding in and teenagers need positive adult influences. My students trust and respect me in spite of my goofiness and they improve and do well. But when it comes to their representing me I'm starting to notice that my professional behavior in private is affecting theirs in public.

So what is the solution? As I learn and grow in my teaching skills I've discovered recently what it is that my own voice teacher does for me that I'm starting to do with my own students. Just like I do with my students, she's met me where I'm at and is willing to help me get where I want to go with my singing. But unlike me, she's sharp as tack. There is not a single mistake that goes unmentioned in my lessons. She expects me to be prepared and to set my own goals. She makes me want to do well because she does well.

With the recent success of one of my students, I find myself holding a higher standard in my studio. My drive for success drives my students too. I've had discussions with many of my students about what they want to do with their singing and what goals they have for themselves. It's my job as their teacher to push them and to want more for them than they do. When they recognize that their blunders set them back I know I've found the magic ingredient to push them to do better.

As a young teacher of young students it's not always easy to navigate these growing pains. I am grateful to have good examples of professional people in my life that I can strive to be more like. As I work toward my professional goals I hope that I too can set an example for and motivate my students the same way. My hope one day is that others will see the professional behavior and quality musicianship of my students and say that they must be one of mine.

The Accompanist Dilemma

Seasoned singers will tell you that a good accompanist is worth their weight in gold. Ideally they work with you as a member of your two person ensemble. They breathe with you, follow your cues, feel rests the same, ebb and flow with you, and they understand your music. This isn't always easy to achieve, and it's especially difficult with young singers.

In college I paid $20 a week to have an accompanist come play for half my lesson. This is pretty typical of most college music programs. It isn't unreasonable to require students to invest a great deal of money into their singing if it is their chosen college major and career path. So as a younger teacher working with high school students I have to be the bridge between my level of expertise and experience and the wallets of my student's parents. This isn't always easy.

I took years of piano lessons up through high school, but I still don't consider my playing acceptable for performances. I count myself fortunate that I play at all. Many voice performance majors never have piano lessons and are limited to what they learn in a group piano class in their undergrad which doesn't really promote the motor memory that years of lessons at a young age would yield. I can pretty easily "autopilot" my students scales and warmups. I play their vocal lines pretty easily, and even play the accompaniment to some of their less difficult pieces well. But if you were to put a piece like Faure's "Nell" in front of me, I'm a deer in the headlights.

Without a regular accompanist for their lessons, singing competitions turn into a mad dash to secure a good accompanist for my students at a price they can afford. I have been fortunate enough to have an accompanist  but now I have a student singing for her state solo competition and he's unavailable as are many of the accompanists on my long list.

So then the dilemma arises, do I try to convince my student to pay more or do I try to ask an accompanist to charge less? I hope to find someone that will charge within a range that my student is comfortable with because I certainly do not want to insult a good accompanist by suggesting they are not worth what they are asking! When availability becomes such an issue this is quite the challenge.