Lifelong Learning

It's almost a badge of honor when you announce to someone that you are a lifelong learner. It suggests humility and a strong character. It's noble. When you are fairly well-established in your profession and you claim yourself to be one of these learning types, people respect you. For those of us still trying to establish ourselves this mentality opens you up to criticism. I consider myself a lifelong learner and I am proud to be so. It's not always easy to take the criticism though. In fact, if you aren't already pretty good at what you do, being a life-long learner suggests mediocrity. It's like you are admitting that you aren't good at anything. 

Opening yourself up to criticism is a very soul-searching and difficult task. It requires an amount of self-confidence that isn't something that you can just command to exist. I sang the Met Audition last October and it was most unpleasant having my technique picked apart and my diction harshly critiqued by three very well-established career musicians. 

For most of us, harsh and uninhibited criticism would illicit a knee-jerk reaction. Sometimes it's self-defense. "They don't know me and what I can really do, so their opinions aren't that important". Sometimes it's self-loathing. "If they think I'm that bad, I must really be terrible." But life-long learners are fighters, not against other people, but for themselves. I had to really focus my energy the best way I could which meant taking their criticism to heart and working to sing so that next time someone of that caliber hears me they have less to say. 

I had to put this philosophy to the test in December. I sang for my voice teachers winter recital and was given the opportunity to rehearse with the accompanist beforehand. I kept second guessing myself on a piece that I'd learned new which had me second guessing myself on a piece I've been singing for months. I was missing entrances and not supporting the sound. I started making excuses. "I didn't get much sleep because of my toddler, I haven't eaten much so my focus is off, I'm not warmed up enough..." And I realized what I sounded like. I sounded like an amateur making excuses. When I was done rehearsing I went back to sit down and I decided I had two choices. I could let my bad rehearsal break me and just resolve myself to a bad performance or I could decide not to suck. 

I chose to learn from my experience by doing well, and it showed. I walked on stage with the attitude of "this is how its done". I got more genuine compliments after that recital than I've gotten in a long time. 

If you ask any adult about their history with music most will say they took some sort of music lesson as a kid. They will almost always follow with "I should have kept it up". No one ever regrets it when they tough it out and keep working on something. I don't regret that I'm nearing my 29th year and I am finally starting to figure out how to sing. 

Life-long learning isn't just about a mindset, it's about what you do. It's never too late to be better at something you wished you hadn't given up on. I'm proud to be a life-long learner because it means that no bad experience is going to prevent me from being better. It also means that someday my choosing to always learn and grow will make me an established and respected musician just like the people I admire today.