Positivity

This last weekend I had the opportunity to attend the all-northwest division conference for music educators. I went to reading sessions, workshops, and concerts. After several months of what I feel is a hard year so far, I went in feeling like I really needed a boost.

For anyone who isn't already aware I have been teaching at Lincoln High School this school year. Every person in the choir community that I tell this to gives me this look of pity, hope, and surprise. "You're teaching choir at Lincoln? Wow. How is that going?" Lincoln has a long history of strong members of the choral and local community throwing support and money at it. It also has a history of district and union policy as well as administrator lack of support killing its choir programs. Many of my direct mentors have ben key contributors of the attempt to get the choir program off the ground there. And it just hasn't stuck.

When the new semester hit and I lost students instead of gaining any I started to panic. I tried sending call slips to every one of the 100+ students that had an excused period during my class (this was vetoed by the counseling office ta's). I just felt like all my effort was for nothing. It didn't help that my bills were mounting and I didn't know if I could even afford to drive to the school to teach let alone do it well.

I may have learned a few new ideas for problem solving in my choirs, but what I really walked away with is a new attitude. If I let the weight of this job get me down, how am I supposed to convince anyone that it's a good program, let alone one worthy of starting? It may not work out. I may be back to square one again next year. But if things work out and I've stayed positive the rest of this year, my choir program is going to grow that much faster and better. I just have to put my best work out.

There are so many people that I have felt jealous and bitter toward in my career so far because things always seem to work out in their favor. People who get jobs I wish I had. People who win contests or land auditions. But things don't work out for them because they're positive people. Things work out because of how they choose to see it. There are people that I'm sure would love to have the life I have. I have amazing students that I'm so proud of, I teach at great schools with great communities, I study with a great voice teacher and I get to sing with some of the best people I know. I can't let the uncertainty of the future taint the happiness that can be had today.

Happiness isn't something anyone can hand to you. It isn't having the job of your dreams, the life of your dreams, lots of money, or the perfect family. Those things don't exist. What does exist is your current circumstances and how you choose to be present in them. Today I chose to see the glass half full.